Managing Your Thoughts
Most of us allow our feelings to be determined by whatever circumstances we are experiencing. Whatever happens to us each day defines how we feel. This creates a roller coaster of emotions with very little control. However, when we realize the power we have over our thoughts, we are able to choose the kind of feelings we have and that impacts the actions we take that give us the kind of lives we want!
If you are experiencing joy, embrace it. But if you are stuck and at the mercy of your circumstances, know that only you have the power to change. Be a noticer and a manager of your thoughts and watch the feelings you experience and the actions you take begin to align with the life you want for yourself.
This episode covers the process of managing your thoughts and why it’s important!
Resources:
The Life Coach School Self-Coaching Model
4 Steps To Control Your Thoughts And Lead A Happier Life
How Changing Your Thoughts Can Change Your Life
3 Thoughts Keeping You From Success
Podcast transcript:
Hey friends! You guys…this has been the best week! This podcast was approved by iTunes and is now up and running! This has been such a fun project to work on! And I’ve received so many messages of encouragement and been tagged in posts you have shared about the podcast. My love tank is so full! Words of affirmation fuel me, and I think they are going to fuel this podcast too, so thank you thank you thank you!
Well, let’s get started with today’s episode. Again we will be talking about the importance of managing our thoughts.
I have spent so many years being a slave to my circumstances. Growing up, my life was fairly carefree and easy up until high school. Then so many things seemed to happen back to back that were not my “ideal” circumstances. Because my “easy” life prior to this brought me happiness, I assumed that when chaos and the hard times began, my natural emotional response must be sadness or heartache. It wasn’t until later that I discovered that everything I feel is a choice and that my feelings are not based on my circumstances. It wasn’t until later that I discovered I have POWER over my emotions.
As a certified life coach, I’ve been trained in understanding the impact of thoughts. Fellow life coach Brooke Castillo created an easy model for coaches to follow and teach, and I want to walk you through that model that helps us understand how influential our thoughts can be.
There are five parts to the model. The first part is circumstances. Circumstances are things that happen in the world that we can’t control. Circumstances are what trigger the next part of the model: our thoughts. Our thoughts are things in the mind that can be controlled. Our thoughts cause our feelings. Feelings are vibrations in the body caused only by our thoughts about our circumstances. Our feelings cause the actions we will take. Our actions are our behaviors caused by our feelings based off our thoughts. And, finally, our actions cause the results we end up with in our lives. The results are the evidence of our original thought. So picture a circle with each part linking to the next: Circumstances, then thoughts, then feelings, then actions, then results.
Now let’s break it down. When we are experiencing something, we interpret that experience in some way. That interpretation becomes our thoughts. Let me give you an example using what’s happening right this minute in my life. My husband is outside right now in the garage working on making that space “winter ready” so that we can use the garage during the offseason for activities with the kids. This is my circumstance. This is a fact. But this experience triggers thoughts within me. My first thoughts are things like “this is going to cost money that I would rather be spending elsewhere” or “I wish he was inside with me so we can hang out and watch a movie before a busy week.” And when I think these things, I notice myself start to feel things. I feel worried about money. I feel frustrated. I feel impatient.
I think we can all agree that these are not feelings I want to feel, yet I am choosing these feelings because of the mismanagement of my thoughts. Once I feel these things, I have to choose an action. And if I wasn’t as aware as I am right now about my thoughts, it would be easy to choose something like venting or complaining to David as soon as he came back inside. Saying things like, “Well, I wanted to watch a movie, but now it’s too late.”
Finally, the result from this action will most likely be him sharing in my frustration because I didn’t understand what he was doing or why he was doing it, and then he and I will continue to miss out on quality time together due to conflict.
Now, let’s go back to the beginning of the model and walk through how the results can change and actually serve me in a positive way by simply changing the thought patterns.
The circumstance hasn’t changed. My husband is out working in the garage. But I want to think this: “I’m so glad David is prepping the garage because the kids will get to ride their bikes or play out there this winter and not be stuck in the house!” The feeling from this is gratitude and love. When I create those feelings for myself, a better action follows. I will be more likely to greet him warmly when he comes back inside which will give us a result of a positive time together when we do have the time.
This is one example, but this same process can be used in any part of your life! We have to learn to be thought managers if we ever expect to change our feelings about anything.
Over the past few months, the hubby and I have been watching the Harry Potter series for the first time. We are way late to the game, but we love having goals and this one seemed a lot less daunting than our last goal which was a kitchen remodel. But in one of the Harry Potter movies we watched the other night, Ron Weasley was about to play a game but wasn’t very good. He was worried about losing and letting his team down, and during one of the meals he was eating with Harry Potter prior to the game, Harry had a luck potion that he acted as if he put in Rons drink. When Ron thought there was a luck potion inside of it, he drank it quickly and went straight to play. He ended up having an amazing game and they won! However, Harry didn’t actually put the potion in his drink after all. So how did Ron do well in the game? His thoughts! He was most likely picturing himself at his best and, therefore, played using his potential instead of his limitations.
Now, I’m not implying if we think something we can make it happen the way Ron did as the “Keeper” in the game. But what I am trying to get across is how powerful our thoughts are in our everyday lives.
Instead of putting so much effort into changing our circumstances or changing the people around us, we have to manage our thoughts. We have to choose the feelings we want for ourselves and create thought patterns that honor those feelings.
I want to take the time to clarify another thing…this does not mean it’s not okay to have feelings of anger, grief, sadness, disappointment etc. Any and all feelings should be allowed in our lives and accepted. However, we can’t sit in those feelings. We have to choose better for ourselves and come out on the other side! We have to be able to recognize how to come out from under those feelings when they become all-consuming, and it’s not by changing what we are experiencing, it’s by changing our thoughts about what we are experiencing.
Think: “Thank you, stress, for showing me I need to slow down and care for myself.”
“Thank you, sadness for reminding me how big of a heart I have!”
“Thank you, anger for showing me that I’m capable of finding calm and practicing self-control.”
Do you see how this works? It takes so much practice, you guys. I don’t know anyone who does this perfectly, but I do know people who do it well and they are creating such amazing lives for themselves.
Now that you know to focus more on your thoughts than circumstances, I want to challenge you to practice this throughout the week. Be a noticer of your thoughts and start to replace the ones that leave a negative impact on your life. Then notice how that impacts the way you feel each day.
Book a free call here to learn more about partnering with a High-Performance Coach and how I can provide accountability to your big goals!
